Mind & Heart Conversations

It was minutes past 1 am last night but I still couldn't fall asleep. I was conversing with myself - a part of me was opening up. This is something strange for if it had a mouth, it would be mute or would be silent the entire time.

It only feels. It rarely talks. It does sing however, and write. But talking will be the last thing it does. Last night was different though. Like Zechariah in the gospel, it was made to talk - at long last.


Mind asked it deep, personal questions. It doesn't know how to say anything, except rarely - if at all. But mind couldn't fall asleep so it disturbed its silent friend to open up and finally say what's bothering it...


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Mind: so you still love her?

Heart: no.

Mind: but you still have feelings for her?

Heart: yup.

Mind: so you do love her?

Heart: I don’t want to brand it as “love”. It’s not supposed to be spoken; it’s supposed to be felt. I never said I love her but, deep within me, I want to be with her for the rest of my life. And that feeling is more than just love. It doesn’t break up, like love does. It is eternal.

Mind: so what happened?

Heart: oh you know what happened. Things went out of control. My feelings for her were so strong, and we were studying law at University of the Philippines. It was basically love at the wrong time. I wasn’t ready for it. I was supposed to focus on my acads.

Mind: but others were able to balance love and school. Why couldn’t you?

Heart: when you have the other person talking to you non-stop for 5 straight hours and you still didn’t want to say goodbye after that, you know it’s not going to work.

Mind: Damn.

Heart: Damn, it is.

Mind: so tell me more about her.

Heart: I think she’s my soul-mate.

Mind: But then?

Heart: She has a family now. A husband. A kid.

Mind: How time flies.

Heart: It does. I don’t know who else could replicate that.

Mind: You can find another one.

Heart: Another girl with whom I could have non-stop conversations? I don’t think so.

Mind: Well, there are billions of women out there.

Heart: So tell me, how then couldn’t I find another one years after our short-lived romance…

Mind joins: that was magical that it seemed as though we were characters in a movie?

Heart: Damn.

Mind: Damn.

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At this juncture, I finally felt sleepy. Some things have to be expressed somehow, I guess. And so, it didn't take long before I finally fell asleep. 

My heart is usually awake at midnight or even hours after. It's asleep in the morning, unless it hears a melody or sees something wonderful - be it nature or man-made.

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